SCOTUS Goes Full Nanny State

Seeking some comic relief from the US election fiasco, I turned to Babylon Bee and found this satirical piece skewering leftist fears about the US Supreme Court with ACB confirmed. (Just this week Pelosi declared that ACB is an “illegitimate” justice”.)  Give the BB writers credit for flipping leftist control-freak behavior into rulings constraining personal rights and freedoms, but in the opposite direction.

The article is Frightening: Here Are The 23 SCOTUS Decisions Handed Down Since ACB Was Sworn In.  Excerpts in italics with my bolds.

Since Amy Coney Barrett was confirmed to the Supreme Court, she and the other judges have wasted no time in remaking America in their image. This is what we were warned about. In only two days, 23 landmark cases have been decided by the new conservative Supreme Court. God help us all.

  • United States v. Trump, 6-3 ruling — Determined that Trump has already won reelection
  • Walsh v. Dweedlestein, 5-4 ruling — We are to be a theocracy under God
  • United States v. Trump, 5-4 ruling — Trump is now the Galactic Emperor Of Man
  • Acosta v. Elisha, 9-0 ruling — All journalists shall be thrown into a pit with a she-bear
  • Gorka v. Kagan, 5-4 ruling — All justices must now wear MAGA hats
  • Subway v. Hebrew National, 6-3 ruling — A hotdog is now legally classified as a sandwich
  • Amazon v. Smith, 6-3 ruling — Die Hard is now legally classified as a Christmas movie
  • Gates v. Cook, 7-2 ruling — .GIF must now be pronounced with a hard “G”
  • American Airlines v. Moore, 6-3 ruling — The person in the middle seat of an airplane gets both armrests
  • Casey v. Brown, 6-3 ruling — Washing your feet in the shower is unconstitutional
  • United States v. West, 5-4 ruling — The dress is blue and black
  • United States v. Barrett, 6-3 ruling — All women must have at least 7 children
  • Papa Johns v. Tony’s, 5-4 ruling — All pizzas must now have pineapple on top
  • United States v. Silverman, 9-0 ruling — Annoying celebrity videos telling you to vote are now illegal
  • Bartolli v. Xanderatrix, 5-4 ruling — Single women are now limited to only 3 cats
  • Taco Bell v. Chad, 9-0 ruling — All Taco Bells must put the Crunchwrap back on the dollar menu
  • United States v. Trump, 5-4 ruling — Everyone must have a Christopher Columbus Statue in their yard
  • LaPierre v. Morgan, 6-3 ruling — Gun ownership is now mandatory
  • United States v. Crystal Marina, 9-0 ruling — Grants McConnell Protected Status as an endangered turtle
  • United States v. Trump, 6-3 ruling — All faces on Mt. Rushmore must now be replaced by Trump
  • Babylon Bee v. Facebook, 9-0 ruling — Babylon Bee no longer allowed to tell jokes about AOC
  • Burger King v. Carson, 5-4 ruling — “Impossible Meat” now illegal
  • Thomas v. Breyer, 8-1 ruling — In favor of stealing Justice Breyer’s milk money and shutting him in a locker

Amazing. Let’s see what they come up with next week!

There’s more:

Experts Call For 15 Days Of Counting To Flatten The Curve Of Votes For Trump

Fox News Calls Arizona For Biden After 1 Vote Counted

Miracle: Ballot Counter Turns 5 Biden Votes Into 5,000



  1. oiltranslator · November 7, 2020

    Dems copied the Libertarian drug planks and won. God’s Own Prohibitionists kept their bully girls and shoot people over plant leaves planks. Superstitious hillbilly votes did not suffice to save them from self-inflicted defeat. Sad. Better planks next time.


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